I find it really bizarre how people are obsessed with children not growing up. Other mums I meet literally in tears at the thought of their baby turning one. Strangers commenting “aww if only they never grew up”. I’m aware that I have a different perspective from most people. I am the mother of a child who will never grow up. A child who by now should be walking and talking, climbing, having tantrums, causing me endless hours of frustration and laughter.
J is currently going through a particularly bad phase of waking up 5-7 times a night. It’s exhausting but part of me just can’t help but think of what I would give for one night being kept up by Lentil, to be able to snuggle him back to sleep. I cherish every moment with J but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want her to grow up.
When Lentil died I immediately began to think of all of the milestones that we would never see him reach which only makes J reaching milestones all the more special. I can’t wait for her first birthday, I’m already thinking of ideas for her first birthday cake and saddened that although I will make a second birthday cake for Lentil he won’t get to share it with us.