I can’t decide who is more impatient, me or Pip! We’ve been in and out of hospital a few times over the last few days, for steroid injections, monitoring and some antibiotics. I was having tightenings again the night before last and almost ended up back again, thankfully after about two hours they calmed down so, after advice from the hospital, we decided to stay at home. I’m still having quite a lot of tightenings, some of which are quite strong but nothing so far that has made us rush back to the hospital. The car is packed, we’re ready to go at a moments notice.
I now realise how relaxed I was at the end of my pregnancy with Lentil. I had tightenings but they didn’t worry me, I was having a home birth. I knew that when I went into labour I’d call the midwife, she’d come, everything would be fine. I didn’t even consider that it wouldn’t be, that we’d end up in an ambulance, that we’d be too late. Now being too late is the only thing on my mind. This time is so different, I know that I need to get in there quickly if I go into labour before my c-section, I know that it will be a race against time. The neck cannula that I have to have will take time, they have to use an ultrasound machine to find the vein, x-ray the cannula to make sure it’s in correctly and then suture it in. This needs to be done in theatre with an anaesthetist scrubbed in. It’s not something they can do overly quickly.
I want Pip here so much, I’m so anxious about his or her arrival, I want Pip to be in my arms, safe and sound. I also want Pip to stay exactly where he or she is, to stay put until the day of our c-section, not to risk coming early. I feel so conflicted. I know that every day inside gives Pip a better chance of being ok on the outside. On Thursday Pip will have reached 38 weeks, by now the steroid injections I’ve had will have helped to mature Pip’s lungs. There is no reason to think that Pip wouldn’t be ok if he or she decided to make an early appearance at this point but I just want everything to go smoothly. I wish that they would bring the date of the planned section earlier but that doesn’t seem to be an option. I just don’t want to end up as an emergency again and I want the best for our baby. Either way, this time next week Pip will be here and that’s what I need to remain focussed on.