Remembering Vs. Being Reminded

I love remembering Lentil, it’s not like I could ever forget him and I wouldn’t want to, he’s a huge part of our lives and Paul and I talk about him frequently.  The memories are important to us, we talk about our memories of him and how different our lives would be with him.  There are a number of things that we’ve done to keep his memory alive.

Fundraising: The fundraising is something positive that we feel we can do in memory of Lentil.  We’re hoping to get some sort of memorial plaque put up at the hospital that we are supporting so that Lentil’s positive impact is remembered.  You can still donate here if you’d like to, Lentil’s Fund.

Necklaces: I felt very strongly about having something with me all the time that would remind me of Lentil.  Paul and I decided to have necklaces made using the handprint and footprint that the hospital took from Lentil in the hours after he died.  There are quite a few different places online where you can get jewellery made using handprints and footprints.  We used Green River Studio.  They were absolutely lovely.  We emailed them beforehand and asked if they would be able to use our prints, we explained that we couldn’t get any different prints.  They were able to use the prints we had and even gave us a discount code when they knew the circumstances.
I bought a heart charm with a handprint and a footprint on, I wear it on a chain with a flower.  The flower necklace was given to me by Paul on the morning of our wedding.  

 Paul had a slightly more manly version with dog tags.  

  Photos: It was so important for us to take photos of Lentil.  We have photos up in our house and we also have a photo book which documents the whole pregnancy as well as including photos of Lentil once he was born.  I wanted to get the photos made into a photo book but decided to add all of the pregnancy photos too.  I wanted to tell the whole story rather than just the sad ending.  Some of our family and friends have photos of Lentil too, it means a lot when people want a photo and I love the fact that my parents have a photo of Lentil up in their living room.  

 Memorial plaque: The burial ground that we chose for Lentil doesn’t have gravestones but there is a brass memorial plaque at the entrance.  

 Keyrings:  Paul and I each have a Keyring with Lentil’s photo on and the details of his birth.  It’s from a company called Made Lovingly Made.  It’s nice to have a photo of him with us all the time.   

 Christmas: I had been very excited about sharing Christmas with Lentil.  The elf outfit that I bought in the sales for him will remain in the wardrobe unworn.  My plans of bringing out the elf photos at his 18th birthday won’t happen but that doesn’t mean that we can’t include him in our Christmas celebrations.  We bought some Christmas handprint baubles from Cat’s Print Shop.  A few different family members will have the baubles on their trees this Christmas and each Christmas from now on.  

There is no way that Lentil will ever be forgotten, he is a massive part of our lives and he absolutely always will be.  Future children will know about their big brother, he will always be loved and remembered.  Despite this it’s still really hard when we receive a reminder of what we’re missing out on.  In the weeks immediately after Lentil’s death we felt like we were inundated with phone calls offering us baby photo shoots, discount vouchers for nappies, baby clothing catalogues and emails.  The junk mail seemed to be unending.  As each letter, parcel or catalogue arrived we, or a member of our families would phone and ask to be removed from the mailing list.  Some companies were great. C&G baby club recently emailed and when I unsubscribed it took me to a page where I could unsubscribe from all communication about babies.  I wish that I had known about this page earlier on, for anyone who sadly needs this page, it’s here.  There were a couple of companies that were just rude and Pampers was particularly bad as they simply didn’t remove us from their mailing list despite having told them about what had happened.  After several tweets and holding on their phone line for over half an hour I’m hoping that we are now finally off their list.

It’s important that we remember Lentil, we love to talk about him.  We love it when family and friends talk about him.  We don’t love receiving post saying things like ‘now that baby’s crawling’ or ‘congratulations on surviving the first three months’.  I firmly believe that all companies that sell baby items should have a way of dealing with baby loss.  There should be a webpage or dedicated phone line where parents who have experienced loss can easily unsubscribe from mailings.  Instead of that companies sell your details and make the aftermath of baby loss all the more traumatic.

12 thoughts on “Remembering Vs. Being Reminded

  1. I think you’re so right that remembering consciously on your own terms feels very different than those heart sink reminders! I had to unsubscribe a good few times from the Boots Parenting Club. Even at 12 weeks I got an email “Your baby is now 12 weeks old” – no she’s not!!!!! I remember my niece going through my Pinterest and deleting all the baby related things I’d pinned and then leaving all the groups on Facebook that I’d joined for baby wearing, cloth nappies, breastfeeding and a million other things that seemed vitally important!! Just another reminder of how you change so much for your new role as a mummy and then suddenly you have to adjust again. I love all your Lentil memory items x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with you on both counts: the hurt that unsolicited baby related crap causes and the importance of remembering and making baby a part of everyday life.

    We choose not to have photos of our baby son out on display – mainly because of our living sons – but I have an album in his memory box and still look at it fairly often. We also have photos of his name written in the sand at sunset and those are out on display. We talk about him all the time. I recently had to explain to a teacher who the extra sibling was in the drawing my youngest son drew. We also have a family day out to mark his birthday. I love your necklace. I would love to do something like that so I can carry his name and hand- and footprints next to me.

    I can well remember the pain of all those emails and catalogues arriving. I agree with you that there ought to be a very easy way to mass unsubscribe. My husband did a lot of it for me but even a year later some companies were still sending things.

    Liked by 1 person

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