Time To Celebrate

When I was pregnant one of my friends offered to throw me a baby shower.  I decided that I didn’t want one because I was worried about tempting fate.  I was worried that we would celebrate and then everything would go wrong.  I wanted to have a huge party once Lentil arrived.  I regret not having a baby shower now.  I wish that we had celebrated him while he was still here.  If I’m lucky enough to fall pregnant again I plan to celebrate that baby all through the pregnancy.  

Yesterday Lentil would have been three months old and I decided that we really should celebrate him.  He has changed us forever, he made us parents, our parents grandparents, our siblings aunts and uncles.  He has had such an impact.  So far he has raised a total of £14027.74 including gift aid and money for the Jubilee team (you can still donate here).  He has provided TENS machines for the Jubilee Team to lend to women in labour.  He has made us see how kind and generous complete strangers can be and he has shown us how many wonderful friends we have.  He has brought our families together and he has made the bond between Paul and I stronger than ever.

Tonight Paul and I are going to go to our favourite restaurant, we’re going to celebrate our little man and all that he has achieved.  We’re also going to celebrate that three months on, we’re still here.  We will celebrate the fact that there hasn’t been one day since Lentil’s death where we haven’t got up and got dressed.  We will celebrate that Paul is back at work full time and that his work are wonderful and still let him work from home regularly.  We will celebrate that I’m feeling physically so much better and that today none of my clothes have a maternity label.  It can be hard putting maternity clothes on when you’re not pregnant and don’t have a baby to hold so it’s a relief to get back into some of my normal clothes.  Yesterday, three months on, we saw our first rainbow since Lentil died.

We will celebrate our little boy and the positive changes that have come from him.  We will celebrate surviving our loss.  We will celebrate knowing that we can try again and we shouldn’t be at any greater risk than anyone else.  We will celebrate being parents and having a son.  We are so so sad that Lentil died but we are so happy that he was here and that his little life will have a lasting impact.  He and his achievements deserve to be celebrated and so that is what we will do.

  

5 thoughts on “Time To Celebrate

  1. I want to write congratulations but am not sure that’s appropriate. But I’ve written it now. I think you and your husband are doing a wonderful job of moving through the stages of grief together and finding a way forward that balances life going on without Lentil while holding his memory close to you. It took probably until my last baby being born (8 months after the loss of our son) for us to reach that degree of acceptance – he’s gone but he’s part of our lives forever – that you and your husband have reached in three. I admire your strength.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m seven years on from our loss and still riding that roller coaster. It just gets easier to deal with as time passes. It doesn’t make it go away. Sometimes I find that oddly comforting: if it went away would that mean I was forgetting him?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t think you can ever forget a child. I love it when things remind me of him but sometimes those things hit with a thump. I don’t imagine that will ever stop and you’re right I don’t want it to, I just think there will be less of a painful thump as time passes xx

        Liked by 1 person

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